What is love love language? There are 5 different ways you can give and receive love. It was Gary Chapman who introduced this notion in his bestseller “The 5 Languages of Love.”
Knowing these forms of expression of love (physical touch, rewarding words, quality moments, gifts and services rendered) is essential for building healthy and fulfilling social relationships. Indeed, each person has a language that is more sensitive to him than the other four.
What are the proofs of love?
Thus, if the couple is well, the proofs of love can take many forms: a simple smile, a sweet kiss, an affectionate word, an “I love you” whispered with tenderness … Sometimes it is enough to not big – something to feel fully and sincerely loved.
Knowing another person’s preferred language and concentrating on using it will make it easier to fill their “love reservoir”. She will feel fully loved.
And when someone opposite feels loved, it’s easier
to deepen and preserve the relationship with her
to influence him
Knowing these 5 languages of love also allows us to learn to love with languages that we do not master and to learn to receive a language that we do not appreciate.
In addition, understanding this notion allows you to analyze yourself.
“Was the relationship with my parents bad because I never received meaningful words from them?” “If my wife complains that I don’t give her enough gift, does that mean that I don’t like her enough?”
Too often, misunderstandings on this level are the root of disagreements. One can love without the other feeling it or not feeling loved when they are. So now is the time to fix it all.
Let’s go !
1. Words of appreciation
Psychologist William James once said, “The deepest principle of human nature is the thirst to be appreciated.”
Appreciating words are a language that allows us to express our love through our words and in a very direct way.
They can be of various types. We then speak of dialects. Here are a few:
- Words of encouragement
- Kind words
This language is one of those that I love the most. As soon as I hear it, it fills my reservoir of love and I gain a little self-confidence.
I remember a hairdresser in Shanghai once called me “handsome.” Obviously, she was telling almost everyone all the customers. But even knowing this, it made me feel beautiful and valued.
Try to communicate a little more love by saying pleasant words. You will see the benefits very quickly.
Thank your mother or wife for the great meal they prepared. Even if this is the 25,000th time that you have eaten this same dish and it has been prepared the same way.
Even at the McDonald’s cashier. Don’t hesitate to say thank you with a big smile. It’s the next customer who will thank you.
Offer rewarding words around you, without waiting to receive something in return. A compliment, for example, can have a big impact!
Be careful, however, not to try to manipulate by being dishonest. Saying it without thinking it can destroy your image and give the impression of not being a sincere person.
Me, I grew up in a family environment without the culture of gifts. A polite child was a child who refused anything given to him out of courtesy. So much so that today it makes me uncomfortable receiving gifts. It bothers me that people have made this effort which I consider an expensive sacrifice (at least in time). I also tell myself that I did not deserve this gift …
On the other hand, I like giving gifts relatively well. Even if the choice of gift, my budget and the packaging are obstacles! : p
I once heard a friend say that as she unwrapped the gift, she could sense how much time the other had spent choosing that gift. As she opened it, she felt all the affection and tenderness the other person had wanted to impart to her. Giving a gift can be extremely powerful in conveying love. As long as it is the language of love for the other.
Be careful, however, not to use the gift as an excuse or as a reward for something. The father who travels all the time and gives big gifts to his children to try to make up for his absence, that doesn’t work. The child feels that this is an attempt at redemption. Using the gift as a reward for a deserving act does not quite fit into this framework either. Example: a boss who pays his employee.
A gift doesn’t have to be expensive either. What matters is the attention paid to the other.
3. Services rendered
I was telling about the time when I forced someone’s hand a little to help them. It was the (awkward) expression of a feeling of love.
I think it’s obvious that we men use service more easily as a weapon to show our affection. It’s a concrete, tangible and not too awkward way to do it. We sometimes even think we can disguise our feelings through this technique. I’m telling you: it doesn’t work! The girls are smarter than you think. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.
On the other hand, as soon as it comes to expressing non-romantic feelings, then it is international laziness that invades us. How many times have I done the dishes on my own for my mother?… Seriously? No more than once! (I think it’s 0).
Too often we take things for granted because we grew up with these things. It was only in my twenties that I really realized that my mother expressed her love for me so well by doing household chores and preparing food for me. Now that I have to take care of myself on my own, I really realize how tiring it is …
If we opened our eyes and our mind a little more, we would realize that love is much more present around us than we think …
Also, misunderstanding this language of love can have very painful effects. Take the example of a husband who works hard at the office and comes home late every night to earn money to support his family. He believes he is showing love for his wife by providing financial security (which is important) when she feels the need to have quality time (see next point). The argument will happen sooner or later if no one understands what is going on: each tries to impose their own language of love on the other.
4. Quality moments
Quality moments are usually the most popular of the languages of love. It’s about the time you spend with a person. No matter what activity is going on, what matters is being with each other and being able to discuss, share and feel the presence of the person you love. I am often told that I want to go to McDonald’s with my friends all the time. It’s not for the burgers (only), it’s for the moment of discussion and laughter that I anticipate.
In general, women like this language very much. If you are married or have a girlfriend, you know what you have to do. This is also the case with most of the women around you (mother, sister, friends …), so let’s not forget them! ?
There can be tension here because of our masculine nature. On average, guys value less time spent chatting or just being together doing nothing. Rather, let’s say it takes another form. Playing video games for 2 hours without exchanging words other than valves is a quality moment for us. One of the difficulties is that we are less talkative than women. And that, some women do not understand it well.
The elderly also suffer from this lack. That’s why they often talk to themselves and chat with the cashiers at Franprix (while you’re in a hurry to pay for your only can of Coke…).
Giving time to someone you are romantically in love with (girlfriend or wife) is not the same as giving time with someone you love with less passion (seniors, family, for example). That’s why you really have to do violence to yourself sometimes.
5. Physical touch
With a pat on the back, a shake of the hand, a hug or a kiss, one can communicate love.
I remember my stay in Spain in a university residence. I hardly spoke Spanish and had a hard time understanding it too. After a few weeks, a few Spaniards (not even drunk) passed me and gave me big hugs. The message was clear: the little Chinese (who called himself French) was welcome. It filled my reservoir of direct love! I quickly felt at ease in this place.
Physical touch is the most technically easy language of love to practice. Sometimes when I’m going out and I don’t have the time and the ability to communicate love to my dad, I say goodbye to him with a pat on the back. It allows me to get closer to him physically to create a certain intimacy.
However, you need to exercise good judgment before taking action. Please know that it is best not to do this to girls with whom there may be misunderstanding. Women are more sensitive to physical contact, so be careful not to give them the wrong message. Some might also experience it as a violation of their safety distance. It should also be noted that some cultures hardly ever use this language.
Finally, when it comes to men, it’s best to be close enough to someone on a friendly basis before doing so physically. Otherwise it can be quite disgusting.
Conclusion: Understanding the languages of love is extremely important and can change lives.
You can take a free test to find out your language (s) of love by clicking here.
Finally, you should also know that 1/4 of people do not communicate the same language of love as the one they like to receive. Maybe you prefer to receive meaningful words, but rather like to give gifts to express your love.
Now take the time to digest all of this and most importantly, take action!
Photo source: Pxhere