How To Educate Your Children
How to be good parents? How to educate your children? Being a good dad or a good mom is important, it is even essential for the well-being of his or her children.
Depending on the age and gender of your child you will certainly have to overcome some challenges and hardships but everything is possible in life!
So here are our tips and advice for being a good parent. Good reading!
1. Do what you say
and don’t say what you won’t do! (to remain credible in the eyes of the child)
– If you say “Again and you go to bed” and the child disobeys again, do not give him a second chance. Don’t threaten in a vacuum. Do not repeat the same thing 5 times. After a threat, act. (Otherwise, the child will not be afraid of your threats and will not obey.)
– Do not say a threat that you will not be able to respect. Ex: “One more time and you won’t watch TV for a month” when you know you won’t keep this ban for that long.
“If you continue, you will copy it to me 1000 times” while you will only demand 20 times or 100 times.
“It is better not to say anything than to say something that you will not do.
– Be firm, convinced inside that you will succeed in obtaining your request. The child should not detect hesitation or fragility in your instructions. (updated March 5, 2012)
– Stop shouting; say things once and act calmly but firmly.
2. Be more stubborn than him!
Too many parents cringe when a child “freaks out of rage” to stop his tantrum.
If you say “no”, do not change your mind if the child starts crying, moaning, sulking, shouting, hitting, biting,…
The stubbornness of a child and the refusal to obey is inversely proportional to the stubbornness of the parents!
Indeed, the more a parent “cracks”, gives in, changes his mind, the more the child will be reinforced in his stubborn behavior.
A so-called “stubborn” child is therefore the result of a parent who is not stubborn enough.
One of the “tricks” in education is therefore to BE MORE Stubborn THAN YOUR CHILD!!
The child will understand very quickly that it is useless to insist, to cry, to throw a tantrum…
To succeed in “standing up”, it is necessary to:
- emotional distance,
- don’t let yourself be coaxed by the tears,
- having no compassion for capricious behavior
- tell yourself that if you crack, he will have “won”
- tell yourself that if you crack, your “crisis” will be reinforced for the next few times
- tell themselves that it is not the children who decide, but the parents (they can give their opinion and say what they think)
3. Praise, encourage good behavior
– Don’t just point out to him when he disobeys, when he does something wrong.
Be sure to balance your reviews: that there are at least as many positive comments as negative ones.
– Avoid systematic material rewards. “If you have a good report, you will have money, a bicycle”
(He must behave well for pleasure, to please, because he knows it is better and not to receive something.)
– Reward the behavior rather than the result: one child can work hard and have 70% on his report card while another makes no effort and has 80% on his report card.
It is therefore necessary to reward, to congratulate the work provided, the efforts made, the behavior rather than the result.
Do you prefer a child who cheats and wins his tennis match or a child who remains honest and fair and loses his match?
4. Give her lots of love (and time)!
– Beside your discipline, the punishments you give him, spend time with your child. Play, chat with him, take an interest in what he does and show him you love him. Listen to him. (This is the best way for him to understand and accept the discipline you demand.)
– Do not give him love when he does something wrong, when he disobeys.
– Cuddle them regularly! Treat them emotionally!
– Tell them explicitly that you love them!
5. Punish directly
(and not two days later)
– A sanction imposed several days after the offense will have much less effect than a sanction which directly follows the act committed.
– Do not let your child be rude, insult someone without intervening, without punishing them.
Choose sanctions that bore the child. (Otherwise he will continue to exceed the limits without fear of punishment.)
Do not choose sanctions that last for days, weeks or months.
6.You decide! (smartly)
Too often, parents let the child choose, and let him decide.
However, it is up to the parent to decide what is best for the child AFTER HAVING LISTEN TO THE CHILD’S ARGUMENT AND OPINION.
I hear parents tell me “My child doesn’t take naps anymore, he doesn’t want to anymore»
I answer “It’s not up to him to decide! You know if he needs it, if it’s good for him»
7. Inculcate values (by leading by example)
So that your child is armed to resist and to fight against selfishness, jealousy, laziness, money, mockery,…transmit and give him the values of respect for others, the environment, patience, calm, perseverance, politeness, work, tolerance, listening, courage, positive spirit, personality (dare to be different),…
by applying these principles yourself!
8. Do not spoil him materially!
Many children think it’s normal to receive gifts, to be driven to their sport, to receive money, a mobile phone, to receive food without working, to receive new shoes and new clothes, to receive a computer,…
- Don’t give them everything they want. Don’t give them too many (superficial) gifts
- Teach them the frustration of not having what you want when you want it.
The child jaded with gifts and toys is no longer satisfied with anything.
9. Focus on behavior, NOT RESULT
Whether at school, in sports, or in the activities of the child, only give importance to the behavior, only to the attitude of the child, not to the result.
Indeed, demanding a result increases on the one hand the stress and puts pressure on the child, and on the other hand does not always reward the efforts made by the child.
One child can work a lot and not succeed, while another can do nothing and succeed.
10. Avoid, ban DS, PSP, Xbox, Wii, TV (in bedroom)
Let them get bored so they can find interesting occupations (like reading, working, board games, role-playing, drawing, building, etc.).
These electronic games promote individualism, “prevent” other educational activities, prevent communication, delay language.
With us, there are none of these electronic games. Only ONE TV in the living room is used very sparingly.
Result: children with a lot of imagination who invent and play together (between brothers and sisters)
Give him GOOD games.
Educational computer games can develop intelligence but the time must be limited, or accompanied.
11. Don’t do it for him!
Develop their autonomy and their “sense of activity”!
To promote autonomy and resourcefulness, stop doing everything in its place:
Teach him very early then…
- let him make his sandwiches (from 5-6 years old)
- let him cut his meat on his own (from 4 to 5 years old)
- let him eat with two place settings;
- let him dress himself, put on his shoes, tie his laces;
- let him put away his clothes;
- let him phone, and answer the phone;
- let him carry his school bag (from kindergarten);
- let him clean his shoes;
- let him tie his shoes;
- let him walk, bike (rather than drive him anywhere, whenever he wants).
And above all, let him make mistakes, fail, start over…
Work and participation in household and outdoor chores are good ways to inculcate the value of things, the value of work, courage,…
Anything you do for him will prevent him from growing, learning and becoming responsible.
Letting it happen gets your child used to being ACTIVE, to MOVING to get what he wants and not waiting for someone to bring it to him on a tray.
12. Don’t ban too much or too little.
Cue for prohibition: “Is he doing something wrong? »
– Do not systematically forbid the child to go and play on the pretext that he will get dirty. Put him in less beautiful clothes so that he can express himself, play freely. The child has nothing to do with nice clothes if they prevent him from playing, from sitting* on the floor,…
(It does nothing wrong)
– Do not systematically forbid the child to speak, to shout (outside) under the pretext that you do not like the noise.
(It does nothing wrong)
If you forbid everything, too much, the child will not be able to flourish or will not accept your discipline.
– Prohibit him from polluting, hitting, smoking, playing on the road, watching TV too much, playing the DS, insulting…
(He harms others, the environment or himself)
13. Let Him Be Bored
A bored child thinks and develops his imagination!
The bored child will look for an interesting activity and will get active.
If he does not have the opportunity to be bored, he will not seek, will not imagine.
Do not try to occupy it constantly.
Warning: watching television is not boring!
14. Hygiene of life: sleep, exercise, play-work, feed, shower
– Make him sleep, take naps to recover; the brain develops during sleep. A lack of sleep prevents concentration, attention, memorization, reflection.
– Take him outside, move to develop his muscles, meet others and avoid obesity. Let him play outside. Let it out, get dirty. Get him used to helping, to working with you.
– Teach him to eat healthily: fruits, vegetables, water, even if it’s less good, even if he doesn’t like it!
– Get him used to brushing his teeth and body daily, he will thank you later for having been able to keep good teeth
15. Do not avoid meetings and conflicts
Conflict teaches the child that he is not alone on earth, that others are different.
The conflict teach the child to negotiate, to share, to empathize, to think of the other!
Learning to resolve conflicts will allow him to learn to live with his colleagues, his neighbors when he is older.
Don’t buy 2 gifts to prevent them from arguing. Teach them to share a toy in pairs.
Don’t turn on the TV to prevent them from arguing. Do not buy two televisions to avoid the argument!
16. Apply these tips from the first months!
Do not believe that because he is only a baby, only a child, that you have to forgive him everything, allow him everything.
The child understands very quickly what he can and cannot, what to do to get what he wants.
17. Make a contract with him
(if he is at least 8 years old, especially with teenagers)
WARNING, I HAVE NOT YET EXPERIENCED THIS LAST ADVICE. I therefore cannot assure you of its success and effectiveness.
Make a list of what you would like him to do, what you don’t like about him, what you don’t accept.
For his part, the child also makes a list of what he blames you for, what he would like to do, what is wrong.
Each reads the other’s list and together you begin to negotiate, to make concessions. (The presence of a mediator, an objective third party can be useful)
Once you have agreed, that you have found common ground, define together the sanctions to be applied if one or the other does not respect the contract.
EX: If the teenager disobeys the contract, he could be deprived of a freedom that was provided for in the contract.
If a parent disobeys the contract, the child would have an extra freedom like not having to do the dishes for a week.
Every week, re-discuss, re-evaluate the contract, its application and modify it if necessary (together).
(The advantage of the contract is that the adolescent accepts and understands the limits to be respected and the resulting sanctions much better).