How to resolve conflicts between family members? What family problems do you have? What’s the way out? Family life can sometimes be difficult. Here is how you can deal with difficulties in your family relationships.
Dealing with conflict in general is not always easy. Thus, within a family, there may be bickering or arguments between adults, between adults and children, or between siblings. Sometimes families have to overcome difficulties that can create conflict or intensify existing problems.
A family is a group of people who share a single house and a few genetic traits, but now we cannot take this explanation as sufficient, because the family is more than a house and chromosomes.
Example of family problems
Every family has its challenges, with some problems more serious than others. These challenges can include:
- financial problems
- arguments between adults
- quarrels between siblings
- major changes within the family (a move, loss of job, physical or mental disorder, etc.)
the arrival or loss of family members (birth, diseases, death, separation, divorce, new marriage, etc.)
addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.)
- generational and cultural differences
- sexuality problems
- violent or abusive behavior
Having to deal with family issues can be very stressful and difficult. If your family is going through difficult times or if you feel concerned about it, speak with a trusted adult or call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868.
Conflicts over house rules
Each family has its own rules at home for young people and these can sometimes be a source of conflict.
House rules can cover a wide range of things, including:
- household chores you are expected to do
- how often you have to clean your room
- expectations about time spent with family
- schoolwork and homework, school and extracurricular activities
- having to tell your parents / guardians where you are going and who you will be with
- dating and friendships
Your parents / guardians have house rules in place to help you:
- how you feel safe
- learn how to get along with other people
- develop respect for others
- learn what is and is not acceptable when living with other people
- learn self-discipline
- live in an environment where adults and young people are not hurtful or disrespectful to each other;
- to feel a coherence and defined limits
- learn the skills (such as cleaning and cooking) that you will need when you leave the family nest
Sometimes you may find that the household rules are too strict or that people expect too much of you. You may have the impression that:
you are asked too many questions about where you go, what you do and who you spend time with;
we are constantly checking what you are doing or spying on you;
you have to start lying about what you are doing because the truth will upset your parents / guardians or cause you problems.
Breaking the rules, getting angry, or arguing with your parents / guardians will not improve the situation. In fact, it could make things worse: you could even end up with more rules or more serious consequences.
Here’s what to do if you don’t agree with the house rules:
talk about it:
explain to your parents / guardians that you understand the need for rules at home. Ask them if they are willing to compromise so that you can gain their trust and show them that you are responsible.
open yourself :
share your feelings about the rules with your parents / guardians. Recognize that sometimes you will make mistakes, but you will try to learn from them.
ask your parents / guardians if you can help them determine the rules and the consequences you will face if you do not follow them.
ask for help :
If you think your house rules may be a form of emotional abuse, or if you really have a hard time following them, try talking to a trusted adult.
If you’re acting in a way that breaks a rule, try to wait until everyone is calm before you talk about what happened and why. Explain what happened and accept the consequences of your behavior. If this is a rule you disagree with, try to negotiate changes that are acceptable to everyone.
If you still have difficulty with the house rules, if you don’t feel like you can talk about it with your parents / guardians, or if you believe that these rules are too strict or restrictive (perhaps even constituting a psychological violence), talk to a trusted adult.
Disputes between siblings
In most families, siblings argue with each other from time to time. They can do this by:
- calling names (bad words)
Some verbal arguments don’t really matter, but when it comes to hurting the other’s feelings or fighting physically, it’s more serious. You might need help making things better. You and your brother or sister both deserve to be treated with respect.
If you argue a lot with your sibling, start by thinking about why you are arguing. You may be of the opinion that your:
- brother or sister receives more attention than you;
- parents / guardians compare you to your brother or sister;
- brother or sister does not respect your privacy;
- sister or brother does not want to share TV, computer or phone;
- brother or sister teases or provokes you.
You may have a fight with your brother or sister more often when other upsetting or difficult things happen in your life, such as:
- problems involving friends, your school or your parents / guardians;
- a major change (moving, death, loss of a pet, divorce, new marriage, etc.).
Or, you just don’t get along with your brother or sister. You are possibly too similar (or too different) to understand and help each other. You have the right to be angry and jealous or to have enough of your brother or sister. But it’s never okay to be violent or hurtful.
Improve sibling relationships
Arguments between siblings can be stressful and frustrating. Here are some ideas for fixing the broken pots:
- If your brother or sister teases you or tries to provoke you, do your best to ignore it. Walk away if you can.
When you’re feeling particularly frustrated, find things to do outside of your home. For example, you can take a walk, visit a friend, go to the library, etc.
- If you feel comfortable and safe doing so, talk to your sibling about the problem.
Discuss the situation with your parents / guardians and ask them to help you. Describe how the situation affects you, and tell them why you think this is happening. Together, you can come up with ideas to make the house more peaceful.
- Talk to a close friend about what you are going through. Sometimes friends have great ideas, especially if they have siblings on their side.
- Tell yourself that you and your brother or sister may be just going through a difficult time in your relationship. Things often get better over time.
Fights or brawls between siblings are common, but when they get dangerous or are too upsetting, it’s important to ask for help.
Negative consequences of family conflicts
One of the negative consequences of family conflicts is the emergence of a kind of mistrust of oneself through constant fear of the future. The child is afraid of what will happen tomorrow because he projects his feelings onto the issues he sees at home.
His world, which must be a world filled with love, affection and family harmony, becomes a hateful world with many problems and arguments. Here he loses his self-confidence and is afraid of the future because he does not have a positive image at home.
Problems between parents also destroy children’s minds and children will be characterized by fear, panic, anxiety and confusion of emotions. These children also show a sense of guilt about the conflict between the parents. The child feels he is behind the arguments between his father and mother.
Through the dysfunction of the family, there is a kind of disorder in the discipline of the child which leads to problems at school and with his friends and siblings. Therefore, lack of attention to this phenomenon leads to perverse social behavior due to parental conflict, unbalanced behavior and inconsistent relationship.
In addition, family problems cause the child to develop a feeling of insecurity, which forms a pessimistic outlook on life and may show symptoms of depression. We cannot ignore the reaction of the small body of this child who is going to thin and weaken, with the yellowing of his skin. As for his education, the child suffers from a decrease in his ability to assimilate information, lack of concentration, lack of sleep; he becomes hostile and cries often, symptoms that make the child easy prey upon the onset of severe psychological symptoms.
Young children (2 to 3 years old) also have other symptoms, including delayed pronunciation, walking, and overall growth.
What should we do?
Father and mother should know that they are not living alone at home, but that there are children who hear and are influenced by every word or behavior they say or do. The responsibility for raising their children and shaping their personality is therefore the responsibility of parents.
The role of the father is to instill social values and personality principles in the child so that he brings out into the community an individual who can be a good example to others, just like his father was to him.
The mother is responsible for keeping the house quiet and raising the children with the father in a positive way that makes the child a person who can cope with problems and move on with life, no matter how hard it is.
Parents should also ensure a friendly environment and psychological stability for their children through:
1 – Show love to their children. Parents’ task is not limited to providing basic needs: food, water, etc. But parents must listen to their children’s requests.
2- Give their children their time, to listen to their daily problems and try to solve them.
3. Give the child a sense of security.
4. One of the most important principles that should be applied by parents is the establishment of rules to be obeyed by the child inside and outside the home. This way he learns discipline.
5. The quieter the house, the more stability there is among its members.
6. Parents should not fight or show their stress in front of their children (as much as possible) and they should remember that they are not alone at home, but that there are children who hear and understand and analyze their actions.
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